Yourself first

What you learn about yourself, you'll learn about others

What you know about yourself, you'll know about others

Learn about yourself first before you look at others

Know about yourself first before you judge others

Balance in Life - 1

If people can see and appreciate balance in life through win-win situation.

Notice and un-notice

People come and go

Notice and un-notice

Remembered and being forgotten

People that are left behind

Do they notice

They still have all the time in this world

Time to look back and make amend

Time to care and love

Time to have hope and move on

Getting hurt

By allowing myself getting hurt by others makes me realised that I'm still in the world of reality and makes me realised that I'm able to heal myself and overcome the obstacles. I'll be better than my yesterday.

Human and their heart - part 1

Sometimes I did not know how to explain what I've learned about human and their heart. It's something fascinated that I'm most attracted to and I'm not able to run away from. It's also more complicated and like a continuing process of life itself. I learned so much but sometimes I don't know how to put into words. It's like a huge amount of knowledge from each and every individual that I encountered everyday.  I do get confused most of the time but overtime I finally seems to understand little by little.

Every individual is very special in their own way and we must treat and see each individual as an individual them selves. Although their hearts seems familiar with other hearts but they are not the same. No human hearts are the same. That's makes them special as an individual. That makes them different from another person. 

I see human as an overall. Front and back, inside out. I see their feature, their movement and their expression. I hear their voice. The weight of their voice and the tones in their voice. The words they choose and the words they did not use. I see in their eyes, the passage to their heart. I sense their heartbeat and their heart. Sometimes it does not matter how, whether they are facing me or they are calling me over the phone or they are writing. 

Seems funny and unexplainable. This is where people misunderstood me most but it doesn't really matter because how hard I try to explain, they will not be able to understand although they will try to look like they understand. I will know but it's okay. Some did not understand and challenged me. Some just ignore and continue with their life. Some will try to look understand because they don't want to be left out. Some will just accept me just the way I am although they do not fully understood. Some do understand me some how with an open heart and this is what I called a miracle of life.

Some heart drawn me nearer. What ever they do and what ever they trying to express they do it with a sincere heart. I'm not sure how to put into words. Either they are naive or they are truthful to their own heart. Whether they are angry or frustrated or hatred or irritated or anxious or sad or happy or relief or relax, they just look so beautiful and genuine. This is where what ever condition they are into, it just won't push me away. This is where my eyes and heart are always soft for them. This is where I smile in silence and my heart calm in silence. This is where I listened with love in my heart and I'm willing to take in the pain with care in my heart.

Some heart makes me have the urgency to put a distant or a gap between us. Some people did not understand their own heart. Some people did not open their own heart. Some people did not listen to their own heart. Some people did not realise that they have a heart inside of them. Sometimes I just can't belief what I learned from them but I'm not in a position to judge them. Also it's not my part in this world to put a sentence to them nor to hate them. They must have their own reason and trauma that they have faced or experienced which makes they turn out to be what they are now. No matter how hard they try to put words into our mind or hearts, no matter how hard they are trying to put a false impression, no matter how hard they are trying to built a mask in front of them, all I can see is clouded passage in their eyes and a heart that is shut tightly inside of them. This is where I felt irritated and hatred very fast. But, again who am I in this world. 

Sometimes they cry for help and looks like they need all the help they can get. But with their heart shut tightly inside of them, all they want are actually for the world to feels sorry for them and all the attention that they can get. Excuses from their pains and miseries but they do not want to be heal anyway. They are pulling every one around them into the darkness of their heart and drowning them with their selfishness. Sometimes I do try to help them and open up their heart so they can realise and see the beauty of life and world around them. But I did not have enough strength in my heart to carry the weight of their world. The air around them is too heavy for me to breath in. I'm sorry but it's too challenging for me and I have my own heart and life to spare. May be I'm not the right person to save them and hope they will find the right people that can opened up their heart and save them from selves. Hopefully they will find the savior in them actually. That's the best gift they can get and give to them selves. The gift they will appreciate and cherish in their life. The gift nobody can give except them selves. It's so beautiful if only they can see, feels, understand and accept. 

Anyhow I wish calm heart in all the heart in this world. I wish they will find the happiness within them selves. I am no noble person and I myself have a weak and selfish heart. I'm nobody as I walked pass crowded of strangers and friends un-noticed each and everyday. I'm feeling the weight of their heart and their sorrow everyday and they don't even realised. I'm taking in their emotional and physical pain without they knowing anything just to ease their misery. I'm still nobody and I'm just one of them. I don't need appreciation or some sort of that.

The best gift for me is just genuine in people's heart and happiness within them selves. Just because I'm a very selfish person. I only want a good day to enjoy my life everyday and a good night sleep every night.

Continue moving on day after day

I smile in silence as my heart is calming down. Suddenly I'm feeling much better now although I felt a bit exhausted. It's okay. Typing from my heart as I'm listening to the songs playing from the music video at the same time. Tonight most of the songs seems good. Or is it because I feel good after able to drain the cup.

It is still a beautiful night although I need to rest early tonight. It is still a beautiful life although we need to fight just to survive another day. We shall keep on going and will be able to continue moving on day after day.

Suddenly tonight

I don't feel good tonight and my energy drained out so quickly suddenly at the same time. I feel dizzy and I've just vomited a couple of times. Something touched my heart so deep and I have tears in my eyes.

My heart is beating faster than usual and I now know what should I do. Placing my hands against my heart and praying for it to calm down. Filling my own heart with hope and love until it's calm and relax.

I know there is nothing wrong with me and I just need to rest early tonight. Hopefully I'll be okay the next day.

Beautiful words

When words come from a sincere heart. They are something that even I can't describe. So beautiful that they stays in my heart for a very long time. My heart feels so deep and I want to cherish as long as I can remember.

After been walking along this path of life with all the things that I knew and absorbs. I feels that I'm more like being cursed instead of being gifted. But today, I feels gifted and I feels wonderful.

I want to live

I'm soffucated and I can't breath properly
I'm drowning in the sea and swept away from the shore
I can't reach anything and there is nothing to hold on to
I feels like crying and I felt the urgency to surface

I need to resurface before I drowned any deeper
I need to find ways to survive myself
I need to make the effort to push myself upwards
I want to live and live life

Help needed

Suddenly today I felt bored
I have nothing to look forward to
And present situation is not encouraging

I need something that can light up my day
I need strength to live up the day
I need motivation to sustain the week

Please God I need your help
As I'm weak at heart and soul
As well and my mind and my strength

My former high school ex-headmistress passed away

Today I received a sad news about my former high school ex-headmistress passed away early this morning. It was quite a shocking news to all of the former students as she was a respectable person with a class of her own. A person which I'm very proud of along with the school. Still remembering the way she talked and the way she walked. And still remembering the way she looks and the way she made decisions. We have a nicknamed for her and she okay with it. How cool for a headmistress. Hope Allah bless her soul and may her soul be with amongst high place. Amin.

Broken glass

I broke a glass today. It was my fault and I was careless. Nothing can be done and I clean up the mess. Picking up every single pieces of the broken glass and hope nothing is left to injure my feet. Less a glass now but I was lucky that it's only a glass.

Just to remind myself

Be truthful to your heart and sincere to others

I'm nobody's burden

It seems funny somehow

When I thought about it

So strange yet feels so familiar

As I'm getting used to this heart

And accepting like my own

When I'm taking in the pain with care

I pray to God to reduce this misery

I'm willing to accept this burden

But I'm nobody's burden

I will stand as a friend

When a good friend need me most as a friend rather than as a colleague. That is what I'm willing to do with all my heart. I will think as a friend and I will stand as a friend.

As a friend, I won't stepping in nor stepping out. I will respect with what ever decision that have been made because I believe in my friend. A decision made for the good of self and the rest. A decision made for the good of present and the future. A decision made by the heart and from a thoughtful thinking.

Whether a friend want to stay or need to go, I won't lose a friend.

Don't misunderstood me

Don't misunderstood me for what I knew and why I'm not able to reveal everything.

I cried and yet I smiled. My heart hurt so much and yet I felt so relief. I have so much tears and yet I can finally open my eyes.

I made them my burden and yet they are not mine to start with. I made them my own just because I cared compared to the rest. I've just got my answer and finally I will let go half the burden. I'm strong enough to carry this weight but I will put it down.

I will always know and yet I will view from a distance. They will finally realised their own burden but it's up to them. Only time will tell them whether they are ready or not. Only they can tell them selves whether they can take it or not. Don't misunderstood me but it's not me to decide.

If they turn their face around and they will find me where I've been standing for some quite time, smiling with warm eyes and open heart. Because I still care.

Question and Answer

Not all questions need answers. Some are best left unanswered and some are best if being answered back by the questioner.

All around us

The world is full of information and knowledges

They are floating all around us

What can we do with them

What should we do with them

Can we use them to help ourself

Can we use them to help others

Where do we stand

What do we belief in

It's all depends on our heart

It's all depends on our action

If we can makes the world a better place

If we can makes our world a better place

Beyond the distance

As far as my hand can reach

As far as my eyes can see

As far as my ears can hear

My heart can go further

Far beyond the distance

Over the mountain and over the sea

Don't need any explanation

Don't need any excuses

Don't need any logical thinking

I just know