Today, I give up

Today, I give up

I don't have strength for the day

To the trouble heart I heard the other night

To the trouble heart that I heard the other night

I'm sorry that I overheard but I'm not sorry for what I am

May be that you may not understand and you may not know

But I know that you have a sincere heart and feelings

Each individual is special and that's including you

"Beautiful" is for you and so is "A Person's Worth"

You are a great person and don't you ever forget that

Amplified and high definition world inside of me

I'm sorry that I'm able to feels other's emotions

I'm sorry that I'm able to hears other's heartbeats

It's not something that I want or I seek

It's not something that I enjoy or taking pleasure

I'm not trying to interfere with people's privacy

I'm not taking advantage with people's situation

It's a chaos I feels inside of me which made me confuse

It's a crowded room full of various and different heartbeats

I'm just a human, an individual and some sort kind of different

I'm no special or weird and I'm just like the rest of the population

It's just like having an amplifier connected to all my sense

It's just like having an extra receiver connected to my heart

Trouble heart

To this trouble heart that I'm hearing tonight

Why are you feeling so sad?

I know that you may be lonely

But why do you give up so soon

It's not the answer and it won't solved anything

So don't give up yet

Suddenly I understand

How come I've never realise it before

After all this years I've been shouting and crying

How come it takes me years to understand

After all this years I've been searching for the answer

I thought that I'm cursed and nearly going insane

It's a crowded room inside of me and I can hardly breath

I can't control my thoughts and my feelings

All become so loud, so uncertain, so deep and so tragic

But now I start to listen slowly

To the sound of the waves and the heartbeats

A true feelings and emotions deep inside

That can't never portrait by the outside

And now I'm able to feels and able to separate

The emotions that are actually mine which I can keep

And the emotions that have been passing through my door

Which I can choose to let inside or leave outside

It was never about me

A few days ago I finally got part of the answer I've searching for all the while. I finally understand all that I've been through all this years. My anger, my pain, my sickness, my misery and all. I thought it's all mine. I've been confused and felt so different. I'm always been misunderstood and I'm not able to explain why.

Why do I think so differently and why do I felt so differently. Why do I angry all the time and cried at the same time. Why do I suddenly fall sick and able to recover the next day. Why do I suddenly felt my chest too tight and unable to breath that I cough continuously when actually I'm not sick. Why do I suddenly I felt like my heart had been stab that it hurts so much and I cry because I just can't stand the pain I felt inside.

They are all not mine actually. I've never thought so all this time.

Is it a curse that I can feels other's pain? Is it a tragedy that I can feels other's misery? Is it a problem that I can feels other's anger? Is it a weakness that I can feels other's feeling?

It was never about me. I can't deny what I am and I can't pretend I didn't know.

How can I help others?

God I need strength and courage to help others.

God I need guidance how to ease their pain and misery.