Chances

Today, my sister is being given a second chance that will change her life and her future.

Today, I grab a chance to change my life and my future.

Whatever the future there are for us, we will never know but it would not stop us from making changes and move on.

We realised that it's not that easy to be strong and we were not born to be weak either.

Great thanks to Allah for all the guidance and help we needs.

Feels like remembering

Human and their hearts. Their hearts especially. Without their knowing, they are shouting in the wind and crying for help. Nobody will able to listen except for some certain people. People that walks through families, friends and strangers like nothing happen. People that closed their eyes with tears dropping silently whilst curving a slightly smile of hope and love. People that took a deep breath to inhale the pain of others and exhale the lights into their surrounding. People that placed their hand to their chest and hearts, feelings their own heartbeats with love and affection. People like me and others like me. Attract me like no other.

Everything we feels are like remembering. Remembering the feelings. Feelings of happiness and sufferings. If we never experience, we would never knew as we could never remember. People like us needs to feels and needs to remember the feelings. Being gifted and able to give back is why we are born. Reason for our awakening and time for us to awake does not depends on us as we only following the path that has been set for us. Somehow we have to experience more than others not only for us but for others as well. For some reasons we are are able to endure the experiences as we are built for having the reason to remember all the feelings.

To feels loves more than others. To receive and gift love like no others. Still feels like remembering and remember the feelings. This is how we are. Not only for us but for others.

Miracle Words for the heart

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

Ya Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

Thee do we serve and Thee do we beseech for help.

Ya Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

Thee do we serve and Thee do we beseech for help.

Ya Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

Thee do we serve and Thee do we beseech for help.

Glorious is God.

Part of my heart being ripped off

There are things that currently making my hearts so weak and sad. So sad that I'm thinking about giving up what I'm currently living and had. Start all over again from zero and scratch. Scratching my head hoping that my decision is the wise thing to do. Before anybody realise, I'll already gone and I hope it's good for me.

But today, part of my heart being ripped off. I just bursting into tears. I try to be strong but tears kept rolling down from my eyes. I'm trembling and trying to find my ground to stand back again. I just lost in my words and I just don't know what to say anymore.

God, I pray for the future of my sister. God, I seek for the best for my sister. God, I wish for the better in health for my sister.

Ameen.

Who are we

When I'm young my dad used to ask me to show him who I am. When I put my finger to my nose, he will say that's a nose and not me. Where ever I put my finger at will always get the same answers like ears, eyes, hairs, mouth, cheek, etc. Always makes me confused and wondering who and what am I. Finally I will ask him to show me me and he will ask me to close my eyes first. Closed my eyes and he will show me but how do I know when I can't see.

I didn't get it at first. But now I understand. Who we are and what we are are as a whole. Flesh and bone. In and out. Body and soul. Feelings and emotions. Brain, heart and guts.

That can never be separated and identify individually. When I closed my eyes, I'm able to feels myself as a whole. each part of me. Now, even when I opened my eyes, I'm still able to feels myself, as a complete person.

Letting go

Sometimes there are lots of things that I want to let go. Keeping them only makes my hearts ache more and I feels like being sucks into an empty holes beneath the earth. I'm suffocated and can't breath properly. But what stops me from letting go. My brain want to let them go like releasing arrows into the darkness night where I would not know where they are going but I'm sure they won't come back ever. My heart want to let them go like throwing boomerangs to any directions when I know they will come back somehow. Decision need to be made somehow. In this situation the only thing that I can do is to drop them into the fast flowing river of life and let them flows away wherever the current may take them.

A Title

I could not sleep last night as suddenly a title come across my mind. I don't know how and I don't know why but it just wont go away. May be it's something that I need to do or it is something that I want to do.

I could not sleep again tonight as the story line appears in my mind. Something got to do with hearts and emotions. Something that is lost between the time which need to be found again. Finding reason to believe and live again. A seek to the past but not to alter the current situation. A decision to be made to change the future for the better.

Seeing and experience back the memories that most forgotten. A vivid world right in front of our eyes yet they pass through us like we don't exist. Like the wind pass through the tree branches touch us with a new hope. Overwhelming and deep as the guide stood by side.

Feeling back the past memories were what the clients want. Something that they held previously which they lost for them to move forward. Searching back the lost memories is what the guide want. As the token of hope held grip in one hand needs for a answer. An answer that have been searching through sleepless nights when others falls asleep. Long and waiting patiently without any where to look upon. A miracle seek helplessly. For the right place and the right time.

A rejected client is the key. The unknown reason being put aside by force without second thought. When the client seek for forgiveness for things he did in the past and to release the burden so to move on. A connected past and memories bring back hope that lost half way between the time. To find back love and to win back life. A future is certain again to all the lost hearts. A guide that found back his love and lost memories through time. A guide that found back his life and future.

My worth

As I'm wishing upon a star. A star is wishing upon me. What am I. Is more than just a star. More than any star wishing to be. As I've been given a life and more than just a life. A heart and a soul. A life worth my life.

A miracle that I seek

When things wasn't going my way, may be it was showing me the other way. Should I turn my face around as my heart was still hoping to stand as it is. All this time I've been feeling others and suddenly I'm hearing my own heart's pounding. All my life I have been crying for others and now I'm crying for my self. I want so much to let go and yet tears drop begging me not to let go. Not yet silently my heart whispering. Until when, I'm not sure. A miracle that I seek. My days and my nights. My present and my future. My heart and my soul. In GOD I put my hope upon.

This Pain

I can't stand the energy and so is the aura that I have to face.

I breath in the poison and building the wall around me at the same time.

Nobody ask me to stay and yet nobody can make me leave.

This silence that I remain is the loyalty that I kept.

Because the pain that I carry is the heart that I protect.

Feeling Grateful

I am not a story teller but yet I have a story to tell.

The world is so beautiful as that is what I can see and feel.

The life is full of miracle and I'm still overwhelmed with it.

So much to experience and so much to learn.

No question needed to ask and yet I have given most of the answers.

Giving more than I'm needed and I'm feeling grateful.

The Art of "Okay"

Ooookaaaayyyy.....

Okay......Sooooo......

Okay......So?

Okay......So what?

Okay......What now?

Okay......What ever....

Win back yourself

It's not about losing to others.

It's about winning back yourself.

My kind of day

It's a day to do nothing and be somebody.

Staying input and feeling everything.

Sitting alone and let myself wandering off.

Smiling to my self and achieve a great distance.

Feel yourself

Closed your eyes and let everything goes back to you.

Breath slowly and let your self feel every part of your self from the inside.

Feel the breeze that touch your skin and let them be.

Feel the floor beneath you and let them be.

Feel the air that fills your lung and your stomach and let them fills you.

Don't try to remember the past or think of the future.

Just stay static in the current world and space.

The space in you is your inner world.

Feels your anger and let them be.

Feels your ego and let them be.

Feels your dissatisfaction and let them be.

Feels your pain and let them be.

Feels your emptiness and let them be.

Feels your sadness and let them be.

Feels your loneliness and let them be.

Feels your flaws and let them be.

Feels your passions and let them be.

Feels your courage and let them be.

Feels your hope and let them be.

Feels your strength and let them be.

Feels your love and let them be.

Let them all be and embrace them.

Embrace your self because they are all you.

Be aware of your inner world and accept them.

Accepting them is accepting your self.

You

The one person between you and your self is you only.

Somebody and nobody

When you put other's need before you, you're somebody.

When you depends your happiness on others, you're nobody.

The voice that travels above the water

Following the waves of ones heart

The lone wolf will run all night long

As it's journey will never stop

Like the tides thats will keep on coming

Like the sun thats will keep on shining

No matter where we are in this world

We are alone and yet we are together as one

My inner universe

Why in the world of crowded

I feel alone

Why in the world of emptiness

I feel full

Why in the world of sadness

I feel love

Why in the world of pain

I feel hope

Just keep on breathing

Just keep on breathing is my advice to you

It's the first thing we learned when we were born

It's the first thing we do when we were born

Just keep on breathing no matter what

It's the first thing to do then you realised that you are still alive

It's the first sign you realised that you got a life

Just keep on breathing and listen to you own breaths

It's the first step for human to control their mind, heart and body

It's the continuous step for human to heal themselves and keep on healing

Pain

Sometimes I could not wake up when there are so much pain in my heart

Sometimes I could not wake up when there are so much pain in my body

Sometimes I could not wake up when I just don't have the energy to wake up

But I've learned that I'm different from before

And I've learned to managed and heal myself

It took times but it's okay with me

Define the word pain to an empath and they will only smiles

Hurting

The energy that have been hurting me

The words that have been turning me numb

My aching heart turns to wound

I smiled but with tears in my eyes

I'm suffering from deep within

I can't forego but I need to take it a long

As it's part of life of mine and yours

original

I'm facing south with north on my back

seeing nothing but feeling everything

good or bad it's just a normal everyday

because at the end of the day it's just only me

far from the ordinary but yet original in my own way

One self

The power of one self.

The power within you.

The power inside of you.

The one you use to heal your self and take control.

If you're sleeping, then wake up.

If you're down, then stand up.

If you're lost, then come back.

Favour

Do your self a favour. Love your heart and bless your life. You definitely deserve it.

Greatness II

Some people thinks they are born to be great but I feels great to be born.

The manipulators II

What you understand about your self, you'll get to understand others.

Once you understand about others, you'll see a lot in your self.

Two ways of understanding and life is just a mirrors reflecting on each others.

Each and everyday, more and more information realised and understood.

I see in me both a leader and a feeder.

If I said I don't want to use them and not using them, actually I've already using them with or without I realise it or not.

It's already been part of me all along.

It's up to me to use them when and how.

It's up to me to make them better or not.

Weather

Everyday life is like the weather. It's just the weather outside. Don't let them in.

Greatness

I don't want to be great.

I don't want to do great things.

I just want to be simple.

I just want to do all my small things.

My own way.

The way I like them to be.

Which leave me feeling great.

Blessing II

Some people always wondering why their life does not seems to go the way they want. They always wishes for some blessing and wanted their life to be blessed. And yet they keep on complaining and whining. One simple step that they need to do is only blessing their own life first and they already half way there.

Blessing

My life is a blessing. If it's a mess, I'm the culprit who create my own mess.

Blessing

My life is a blessing. If it's a mess, I'm the culprit who create my own mess.

The manipulators

My eye brows always raised when ever I saw a leader works their way through until I saw a feeder works their way through as well. Very impressive indeed how they managed through life and survives. They does not really care who is better than who as long as they get what they strive for. One is always works on the higher sides and the others works on the lower sides. Top or bottom they are the same. The manipulators as they are one as they are the same with different ways and approach.

Read with your heart

What ever you read, never read them one time. The first time you read, you'll read them with an ego sometimes. The second time you read, the brain is trying to take over and figure them out.

So, read for the third time and that's when your heart will finally realised it's needed and will take a peak.

It's really nothing compared to others

Today I really felt tired and exhausted. Every inch of my body part is really aching. But to think about it, how tired I am, there is still other people that is more tired than me. So, my tiredness is really nothing compared to that other people.

As my mom always reminded me, the wounds from falling from my scooter was really nothing. Having scars all around my knees, legs and ankle was really nothing.

She was right.

Enjoying my friend's blog

Was enjoying my friend's blog. Totally different from my blog. I guess although we are friends but we are totally two different person. Two different character and two different ways of thinking. But we respect each other ways and enjoy each others company.

Enjoy is the key word.

My good friend's mother passed away

A few days ago, my good friend informed me that her mother passed away last saturday. I understand her pain and I understand also that she has been very tough all this time. I pray that Allah blessed her mother's soul. I pray that life will be easy on her in future.

My heart still the same

There are things that will never be the same

But my heart will always be the same

Although it looks like somehow different

Although it seems like somehow different

What I care, I still cared

Whom I care, I still cared

Torture Chamber

Time to time

My chamber is full

Sometimes slow

Sometimes fast

It depends

On who I am with

On where I have been

Still....

I can't cope until this day

When my chamber is full

A torture to my self

Losing my mind

And losing my self

Which...

I can't explain why

I can't explain how

It may be belongs to you

But I can't say it

May be it's you that

Have been torturing me

But I can't say it

Because....

I am the place

Where people dump

Their emotional pain

Their physical pain

I am a dumping ground

Their dumping ground

They dump and they go

They might not know

They might also know

Leaving me alone

With my torture chamber

Until it full by it self

Leaving me insane

By my own

Second Opinion

A few weeks ago, I've been very angry. Angry at everything and angry at myself. I could not think clearly and wishing I could blame others if I could. Sleepless night and I can't really enjoy my life, anywhere I was. Either alone or with friends. I felt that I was wronged and it should not be that way.

I need a second opinion and I talk to friends. Being a manipulator is half what I am. Friends agreed with me and still I'm not satisfied. Somethings wrong because my heart is still not at ease. Still feeling angry and frustrated. Wish I could blame someone. Wish I could give up and go. But still, something unclear and something unfinished.

I still need another opinion which is not bias. Who will not be bias in this situation. At last I called my mom and explain to her my situation. Seeking a wise and experience words which I need to hear either I favour them or not.

I am at the wrong side as my mom said. I am selfish and un considerable as my mom said. I should have mercy and considerate even I like it or not as she continued advising me. My mom said that pain words comes from pain heart and soul. They comes out unintentionally. They may regret later but they can't help it when it happens. What ever people do to you, don't do the same things to others.

My mom did not bias nor favour me. Indeed wise words although I'm reluctant to accept at first. But what she said is the truth and the fact which I need to accept and change my way of thinking. Changing my way of thinking suddenly put my heart at ease.

I called my mom today and she did not realised that today is 29th.  It does not matter.

A Good Day

Every day is the same. But today is a good day. My good day. Because I think so. Because my heart feel so. Because I want it to be so.

The day I will cherish in my heart. The day I will remember always in my mind.

Starting of today. Everyday will be a good day. My good day. Each and everyday. Because I think so. Because my heart feel so. Because I want them to be so.

Actually a gift

When one realised that the curse is actually a gift, suddenly all falls into place and life become beautiful

Keeping Quiet - No.6

Sometimes keeping quiet is good for us when we realise the moment our ego is taking over

Keeping Quiet - No.5

Sometimes keeping quiet is good for us when we realise that we are trying to talk or explain things that we actually have no knowledge of

What is it?

17th January 2010 - 7.55pm

Suddenly I was shivering and feeling cold without a reason.

What is it?

Lady Luck

Lady Luck will never look nor smile at me because she is right here by my side with me smiling to everyone

Freedom

The freedom of a person is his ability to control his own thought at his own free will

Keeping Quiet - No.4

Sometimes keeping quiet is good for us when we realise that we will do more harm than good by opening our mouth

Keeping Quiet - No.3

Sometimes keeping quiet is good for us because some opponents will lose desires to attack us when they can't find the ways to tear down our fence

Keeping Quiet - No.2

Sometimes keeping quiet is good for us when we realise that we only owed our self the explanation

Keeping Quiet - No.1

Sometimes keeping quiet is good for us when there is no point of defending and arguing if we know we are wrong

Allowance Within Me

I will allow my self to have a little bit of lame excuses and some laziness but never will I allow my self to complains and whine.