Few days ago I lost my self. I lost control of myself. I'm overflow with negativity inside of me and I'm down with depressed. I can't really think clearly and I really feel unwanted and not helping anyone around me including in my work. I kept making mistakes and feeling bad. I feels like giving up everything and became a loser. I punched and wall and the table. I said lots of bad things that makes me feels miserables afterwards.
I'm afraid. What if I failed to remain my sanity. What if I get confused all over again and ended up with mental depression or disorder like the rest. I need help but who should I turn to. People will just misunderstood me.
Am I a loser?
Yesterday, someone told me what I did was not appropriate. I tried to explain but I can't. Nobody will understand me because they can't feel what's inside my head and my heart. They can't understand what's I've been through. I'm not a strong person. But I do try to remain alive and live life. My life. Not anybody else's life although they kept interfering inside my head and my heart. They think it's a easy job to maintain sanity. They think it's easy to control and overcome things. They think when you are ok that's mean there will be no more problem. Things sounds easy with words. They have never seen the storm. They have never feels the chaos.
Where do I go from here?
I've cried my heart out last night and still crying now. Am I cursed or am I born with responsibility? What is my purpose of life? Why am I different from others? Why can't I just be normal like the rest of the population. My life could be a lot more easier. My heart could be a lot more happier. My head could be a lot more lighter.
Do I hate my self?
I don't now. I'm afraid to defined my self. I'm afraid to categorize my self.
